That Dream Within a Dream
A few weeks ago, Dave and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. Fourth. Not fifth or tenth. Fourth. I’m not even sure what one receives for a fourth wedding anniversary. Wood? Tupperware? Nevertheless, most people I mentioned it to were politely unimpressed. Some even went so far as to ask if we have started planning how we were going to celebrate next year’s “big one.”
To some degree, I can understand their feelings. To people who have been married for twenty or twenty five years or longer, four years of marriage seems like no big deal. To me, however, four successful years with the same person, is something to raise a glass to – particularly in an age where society’s collective attitudes about marriage seem a bit schizophrenic.
I woke up this blessed date, October 17 (yes, women do earn points for remembering the date, too), and stumbled downstairs to begin my day, which went something like this:
I pick up the newspaper. News section. You evidently need the Jaws of Life to get a straight answer about gay marriage out of some of the yahoos running for President. Yes, I’m talking about the Democrats. Meanwhile, the Anglican church is ripping itself apart over the same issue. Yup, that story’s going to work itself out soon. Not. Turn the page. There’s a multi-page Fall Bridal section insert. Full color. Dresses, caterers, limos, favors, calligraphers, dove rental, tuxedos. Hold up. Back up the truck. Dove rental? According to statistics from Brides magazine and the National Association Of Certified Wedding Coordinators (I am not making this up), the average American wedding costs $22,360. (In the Northeast, the figure is a staggering $37,646.) Whoa. Too early in the day for numbers like that. Need to turn the page. Need to read something lighter.
OK, celebrity section. Always good for a laugh. Liza Mineilli’s husband of about an hour and half is suing her for several gadjillion dollars. He says she beat him. When did she find the time? J.Lo and Ben might, at some point, think about getting married but then they might not. She might decide to buy new boots instead. But in either case, the columnist assures me, it will be a “fairy-tale event”. What, the boot buying? Time to put down the paper
I turn on the television. One of the major networks is touting the upcoming nuptials of the latest made-in-reality-TV couple. It’s almost November. Nearly everything about the couple’s courtship has been aired on prime time. Why should the wedding be any different? Except, of course, that it will air during sweeps. I switch channels, just in time to catch a commercial for an Internet dating service that promises that its methodology virtually guarantees you will find your mate and marry within weeks just like the happy couple in the ad who are “not actors, actual customers.” Click. Dr. Phil is telling a group of married couples that they’re all insane for even thinking that they should be together, but, with his help, they can fall in love all over again. Gotcha. Click again. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are learning what it’s like to be married. Sure they are. Time to turn off the television.
In my mail I see that Business Week’s cover story, Unmarried America, has declared that single Americans are fed up with the privileges (financial and otherwise) that married couples enjoy. Singles (never-married, divorced, widowed, gay, whatever) are the new power base, according to the magazine, sought after by everyone from advertisers to politicians. Married people, are evidently five minutes ago, their numbers dropping like never before. OK. Not sure where to go from here. I’d try the Internet, but I’m fresh out of lithium.
If I’ve got this straight, marriage is an outdated institution that no one wants to be a part of yet people will spend thousands of dollars to have a shot at meeting someone on the Internet willing to do it with them. Single people are the darlings of Madison Avenue as long as those singles are watching attractive “real life” couples meet, fall in love, and get married on prime time television. Marriage is a serious commitment, one that couples should enter into solemnly, with firm assurances of the mutual love and respect they have for one another. Unless, of course, they are celebrities and have spent an equal amount of time designing the invitations, wedding dress, and prenuptial agreement. Everyone else should be careful because dammit, these things cost a lot of money!
Finally, however mixed up our feelings about marriage are, we cannot, under any circumstances, in any way , shape or form, let gay people do it. That would be sending the wrong message.
So on that date, the anniversary of my marriage, I went back to bed. My husband of four years, who I love with all my heart, had the right idea when he slept in.
