Hermione Granger’s Song
So in the time I was not writing on this blog my entire family became well and truly obsessed with Hamilton: An American Musical, which I will be happy to discuss in more detail at another time. As a Philadelphian, I think I am required by law to enjoy “Ben Franklin’s Song” by The Decemberists, from the Hamildrops series of music related to the musical.
Meanwhile, my daughter is a major fan of J.K. Rowling’s Wizarding World and most certainly of Hermione Granger. One morning as I was still trying to wake up and she was getting ready for school, I overheard something to the effect of “something something Hermione f’ing Granger,” which my brain superimposed onto the aforementioned song.
And at that point, my mission became clear. This was the result. (Spoilers for all seven books, if you’re still waiting to read them. Go ahead and come back when you’re done.)
Hermione Granger’s Song
Inspired by Ben Franklin’s Song by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Colin Meloy
“Wingardiumâ€
Now you can all lift some
Feathers or brooms and you won’t sound dumb
There’s no need to thank me – you are welcome.
You’re welcome for pronunciation.
I found out that the basilisk you don’t wanna see
Got myself frozen but my friends restored me
They had wands
They had swords
Found a diary
Led to my resuscitation
Well do you know who the frak I am?
Do you know who the frak I am?
Do you know who the frak I am?
I’m McGonagle’s time-turner wearing
Hermione fracking Granger
Early to bed, witches, early to rise
See Victor Krum play for a Quidditch prize
But then the Dark Mark appears
In the night time sky
Soon Voldemort’s back for a fight.
Old Umbridge sets rules but we can not comply
Ask Harry to train us all on the sly
I stay up late to study; OWL exams are nigh
Soon Voldemort’s back for a fight.
Well do you know who the frak I am?
Do you know who the frak I am?
Do you know who the frak I am?
I am muggle born but any spell will I cast
Hermione fracking Granger
Horcruxes are out there
Riddle’s soul is inside
Dumbledore tried to find one
But R A Black lied
We watched as he down from the tower fell
Dumbledore died
This time, no resuscitation
So I play my poor fugitive part with pride
Hiding out with a bag that is bigger inside
With time all our fears become amplified
But I
Know that Hogwarts will be our destination
Well do you know who the frak I am?
Do you know who the frak I am?
Do you know who the frak I am?
I’m McGonagle’s time-turner wearing Hermione fracking Granger
Do you know who the frak I am?
Do you know who the frak I am?
Do you know who the frak I am?
I’m McGonagle’s time-turner wearing,
multiple-extra-course taking,
but still Divination hating
Hermione fracking Granger
About Dave Thomer
Born and raised in Philadelphia. Studied philosophy at Fordham University in the Bronx, where I made many great friends and met my wonderful wife. We moved back to Philadelphia, where I studied philosophy some more and became a teacher. Online and off, I'm looking for ways that we can be better citizens and build stronger communities.