Archive for April 1st, 2001

Left of Center

Posted April 1, 2001 By Kevin Ott

Lots of times, political cartoons just manage to get me all peeved and make me throw the paper down on the table and want to just say “screw it all” and watch Friends just to avoid being a part of the political process.

See, I hate political junkies. I hate TV pundits, I hate most political columnists, I hate political reporters who think that they’re actually writing for an audience that includes more than just a bunch of other political reporters.

That’s why Scott Bateman is so freakin’ cool.

Bateman is my political cartoonist, and your political cartoonist, and he’s part of this really cool vanguard of young political commentators that focus on how our elected leaders actually affect us, as opposed to making symbolic graphical platitudes about school violence or campaign finance reform. In a Bateman cartoon, you’ll never see a big whale labeled “foreign policy” with whoever happens to be president at the time dressed as Ahab, running after it with a harpoon labeled “tax cut,” or a cherry tree labeled “education initiative” and some senator dressed as George Washington holding an ax labeled “tort reform bill,” or something equally cryptic and completely unfunny. Reading Scott Bateman’s work, it looks like he realized a long time ago that guys like Berke Breathed and Garry Trudeau and Bill Watterson had it right: Tell a good story in pictures, and you’ll make a great point, and people will laugh. It’s that easy.

More recently, Bateman has been creating and posting his very own Web animation, which often deals with more everyday pop-culture situations, like his “Coffee Achievers” strip does. But you know what? I suck at describing this. Go to his website to find out how cool he is.

Bateman was also cool enough to answer some questions for notnews. Here they are: Read the remainder of this entry »

Self-Help for the Rest of Us

Posted April 1, 2001 By Dave Thomer

Back when I was in college, the career guidance office was fond of pushing a book called What Color Is Your Parachute?, which was allegedly chock full of helpful advice for planning a career and hunting for a job. I don’t know for sure, as I never read it. I was a carefree, the-future-will-take-care-of-itself kind of guy. Besides, I knew exactly what I was gonna do for a living. I was going to be a journalist. No, wait, a philosopher. No, wait, strike that, I was going to move out to LA and try and break into writing for TV and film. Or did I decide against that? That may have been the week I was going to be a graphic designer. Regardless, I was not big on the whole life planning thing, but I know people who were.

Thing is, they didn’t necessarily follow their plans either. Why? Because life gets in the way. Some other jerk gets promoted even though you did most of the grunt work. The company you work for was counting on an Internet business to invest capital. Your significant other decides that, contrary to his or her previous opinion, yak farming is a preferable substitute to your continued company. Your pet turtle runs away. Other people, in other words, are almost never cooperative with your plans, even though it is clear that your plans are by far the most sensible possible way the world could work out.

There’s actually a very simple reason for this. Other people are morons.

No, actually, that’s not true. Actually, everyone is a genius, and if they only saw things your way, they would certainly defer to your sound logic and reasoning. In fact, they’d arrive at the very same conclusion themselves! So how to explain the apparent idiocy? I realized the answer when reading an issue of Powers a while back. I put the relevant piece of dialogue up on our Quote-a-rama thread, but even then, I did not understand its significance:

“It’s like: How do I know that when I see the color blue — how do I know that you are seeing the same blue I am? It’s one of those questions you just try not to think about–“

The simple truth is, you are not seeing the same blue everyone else is. Color perception is an extremely subjective thing, and even though we can all agree that blue is the color of the sky and green is the color of grass, who knows what shade of what color each of us really means by those words? And these subtle shifts in hue shift the way we look at the world, so that what makes perfect sense to you makes absolutely none to someone who looks at a banana and sees the color you see when you look at an apple.

Having finally cracked this infernal code, I am pleased to announce that I will be publishing my own life-planning guide, entitled What Color Is the Sky in Your World? The book will provide examples and exercises that help you translate from one color scheme to another, along with special color-changing lenses (which I have acquired at a wholesale liquidation discount from an out-of-business 3D glasses manufacturer) that will finally give all of us a common frame of chromatic reference. A few examples of the lessons to be learned from What Color Is the Sky:

  • You are a former denizen of Wall Street who gets it into his head that selling books and all sorts of other things on the Internet would make a dandy business. You start the business, everyone loves it, Time names you Man of the Year. Just one problem: you forget to actually make any money in the process, and the value of your company drops 90% and you find yourself deeply in debt. The color of your sky is red — readjust your vision right away, but make sure you’re sitting down when you look at your balance sheet afterward.
  • You are an Australian individual prone to saying ‘Crikey’ a lot and shoving your fist down the throats of crocodiles. The color of your sky is a light brown. You’re pretty much harmless, so there’s no rush to change . . . but really, man, those teeth are not bee-you-tee-ful. They’re just damned sharp.
  • You are that guy who stands right in front of the entrance to the train and tries to cram your way in while the rest of us are trying to get out. What the heck is your rush, anyway? The color of your sky — chartreuse — is clearly preventing you from realizing that the train will not go anywhere until we all get off. Your blood pressure will thank you for getting that taken care of.
  • You are Kathie Lee Gifford and you don’t understand why the ratings for Live! with Regis and Anybody Else have gone up since you left to pursue your other endeavors, including but not limited to your relief efforts for the sweatshop workers who make your clothes for Wal-Mart. Readjust your vision so that the sky is no longer fuchsia, watch a few of your old tapes, and get back to us.
  • You are the guy that mugged me last November about 100 feet from a Temple University Police watchtower. You clearly chose your spot well, since the cops never saw you, but you tried to mug a graduate student, the form of life on this planet least likely to have any money. Once the color of the sky in your world is no longer green with yellow stripes, you will hopefully apply your keen planning skills to a more lucrative, and hopefully legal, venture. (You may want to talk to the Man of the Year, while you’re at it.)
  • You are Joel Schumacher, director of Batman Forever and Batman and Robin. I am still trying to figure out what the devil you’re looking at.

Clearly, we are at the dawn of a new Golden Era (one that will, perhaps, match the brilliance of the sky in Bill Gates’ world), and all it takes is one slight, teensy-weensy, itty-bitty life-altering shift of perspective. It’s a small price to pay, really. So pick up your copy of What Color Is the Sky in Your World? today, and —

What’s that? You want to know what color I see when I look up at the clouds? Blue, of course. Clearly, I have the proper perspective on everything. It’s the rest of you pikers that need to get with the program. So c’mon, get those Visas and MasterCards ready.

Locke, Stock and Barrel

Posted April 1, 2001 By Dave Thomer

I’ve always been fascinated with the uniqueness of our own experience — how the way things smell, feel, taste, and look to us is something that can’t help but be private. I can’t look through your eyes, you can’t hear through my ears . . . we have to use words and concepts that assume some common frame of reference. And the fact that we get our point across more often than not is a good sign that we do have some kind of common reference. But — as this month’s Humor piece points out in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way — there’s something unavoidably subjective and personal in the whole affair.

It should be no surprise that this revelation has sent many philosophers, focused on classifying and explaining everything, into fits and intellectual contortions. During the modern period, where the search was on for an indubitable and universal truth, something had to be done about this subjectivity. We’ve seen Descartes’ attempts to deal with the problem, and how they were not wholly satisfying. Next up the plate: John Locke, who is probably better known as a political theorist than an epistemologist, but who nonetheless introduced a couple of vital concepts to the dialogue.
Read the remainder of this entry »

Self-Help for the Rest of Us

Posted April 1, 2001 By Dave Thomer

Back when I was in college, the career guidance office was fond of pushing a book called What Color Is Your Parachute?, which was allegedly chock full of helpful advice for planning a career and hunting for a job. I don’t know for sure, as I never read it. I was a carefree, the-future-will-take-care-of-itself kind of guy. Besides, I knew exactly what I was gonna do for a living. I was going to be a journalist. No, wait, a philosopher. No, wait, strike that, I was going to move out to LA and try and break into writing for TV and film. Or did I decide against that? That may have been the week I was going to be a graphic designer. Regardless, I was not big on the whole life planning thing, but I know people who were.

Thing is, they didn’t necessarily follow their plans either. Why? Because life gets in the way. Some other jerk gets promoted even though you did most of the grunt work. The company you work for was counting on an Internet business to invest capital. Your significant other decides that, contrary to his or her previous opinion, yak farming is a preferable substitute to your continued company. Your pet turtle runs away. Other people, in other words, are almost never cooperative with your plans, even though it is clear that your plans are by far the most sensible possible way the world could work out.

There’s actually a very simple reason for this. Other people are morons.
Read the remainder of this entry »

A Healthy Paranoia

Posted April 1, 2001 By Pattie Gillett

Back in my college days (which are now embarrassingly long ago), my knowledge of con artists was limited to the three-card monte dealer a few blocks off campus who for some reason, always seemed to find a few marks among our students. Being a paranoid native New Yorker trained since my toddler days not to make eye contact with anyone, not even my stuffed toys, I never actually saw the guy, I only heard the stories. Despite the university’s warnings and despite the fact that the con itself was older than dirt, a fair number of students blew their beer money in search of the red card. At 19, that kind of loss is a life lesson, a reminder to keep your wits about you at all times. It’s also mockery ammunition for your friends for well into the next decade.

These days, working at a financial institution (and having a slightly unsettling fascination with illegalities), my knowledge of frauds and cons has grown to the point where I’m just one big knot of suspiciousness. I’m going to make myself useful by sharing my paranoia in the form of information about the recent spike in “tech” cons (cons committed using the telephone or Internet). With these types of frauds, there’s much more than beer money at stake. When it becomes common for someone to lose thousands in a phony online auction or their savings in a phony stock scheme, life lessons like these are way overpriced.

Internet and Telephone Frauds (including telemarketing fraud) are unique for a number of reasons. In face to face cons, the con artist typically needs time with the victims to establish rapport and build trust. They’re literally building your confidence in them (which is where the term comes from). For some would-be victims, this is sufficient time for their own intuition or common sense to kick in and tell them to pull out of whatever schemes the fraudster has planned. Of course, not everyone does. Moreover, people who have been conned in person usually have a description, paper trail, or other lead for authorities to handle whereas many “tech” con artists are impossible to trace. Finally, our three-card monte dealer and his accomplice, the $20 Rolex salesman, have nothing on telemarketers and online scammers when it comes to volume. Good telemarketers can make hundreds of calls per day and online scammers are limited only by their own bandwidth and imaginations. Anyone see a problem here?

The National Consumers League, the Consumers Union (the folks who publish Consumer Reports) and the FCC are just a few of the people who see a problem. They’ve started tracking telemarketing and Internet fraud more carefully in recent years. The National Consumers League, a hundred-year-old consumer advocacy group, published a report last year, which placed online fraud losses at well over $3,500,000. (Of course, they didn’t count the NASDAQ because for some reason, getting people to invest in online pet retailing is actually legal). Tops on the list of Internet fraud were online auctions, though work-at-home schemes and multilevel marketing cons have found a home online as well. Even the tried and true Nigerian Advance Fee Fraud is alive and kicking around online. The Internet is still relatively new, and as more people move online, the number and variety of online crimes will surely increase.

Telemarketers, on the other hand, have been at the fraud game for years, honing their skills. Many are nearly impossible to differentiate from legitimate salespeople (not that anyone who calls you during dinner should really be called legitimate). A study by the NCL puts losses to telemarketing fraud in the area of $40 billion per year. The FBI estimates that there are 15,000 illegal telephone sales companies at work in this country. While they may not all operate in boiler rooms, they’re all out to separate consumers from their money selling phony investments, goods, and services.

Here are just a few examples of the telemarketing scams that have worked for many years, courtesy of www.crimes-of-persuasion.com:

You may have already won — Scammers have used “advance fee sweepstakes” for years with tremendous success. They call of thousands upon thousands of winning “entrants” (not that the people called ever remember entering anything) to tell them that they’ve “won” a large sum of money or other “valuable” prize. To collect, all the need to do is send in a check or money order (or give them a credit card number) to cover the taxes, release fees, subscription costs, etc. Companies like these target the elderly; 80% of the scam victims are over the age of 65. In one case, a pair of telemarketers impersonated federal tax officials to bilk elderly victims out of $20,000 or more each.

You may have already been scammed — If you’ve been scammed once, beware of helping hands, at least those not attached to recognized law enforcement agencies. The bottom-dwellers of the telemarketing world are those who prey on the victimized. (They actually buy “sucker lists” with names of previous scam victims). They promise to help you recover your lost money – for a small fee. Many of these scammers operate under official sounding names such as the Fraudulent Action Network and charge anywhere from $200 to $1000 to “help” victims. At best, victims receive a list of organizations to contact about the crime which the victim could have easily gotten for free out of the phone book. At worst, the victim gets a double asterisk next to his or her name on the “sucker list.”

Boiler Room not starring Ben Affleck — Real life “boiler room” (they actually use rented space in reputable looking office buildings) telemarketing operations may have up to 50 reps each making 250 to 300 calls per day selling everything from penny stocks to gemstones to time shares. The best work much like three-card monte dealers, working to gain your trust with multiple phone calls. One ingenious operation called and gave victims stock forecasts until they bit. What the victims didn’t know was that the boiler room made 200 calls, they told one hundred people that the stock would rise, and the other 100 that the stock would fall. After watching what actually happened, they simply called the correct 100 and made another forecast, cutting the groups in half until they had a working pool of victims ready to invest.

Sure, knowing a handful of the methods that scammers use may help, but aren’t con men constantly coming up with new ideas, new methods? How are you supposed to protect yourself? Many consumer advocacy groups have free fraud prevention web sites on the Internet available for consumers who have been scammed or who just want to protect themselves. Many sites are updates regularly with the latest scams and the latest on criminal investigations. Visit the links I’ve included with the article for more information. You can also check with you local news organizations to see which frauds are popular in your area. Many scammers are methodical, especially if they’ve been successful in a given area.

The surest way to avoid being scammed is to not be afraid of paranoia. I’m serious. Ask questions. Press for more information. A legitimate salesperson should be happy to answer them. A scammer doesn’t want to give away too much. Here are some questions that will help you tell the difference:

How did you get my name?

Be very suspicious if they say “the phone book” or some other vague answer.

What is the risk involved?

If they try to convince you that it’s a guaranteed investment, hang up. Investments, particularly securities, always carry risks, by their nature.

Can you send me this information in writing?

If they tell you that you must “act now,” hang up.

Would you mind explaining this information to my lawyer?

Again, if they tell you that they can’t because you have to “act now,” hang up . . . loudly.

Can you give me any references?

This may not always be 100% effective in itself because they could just give you the number of the person sitting next to them in their boiler room, but if they can’t even give you that, it’s a big red flag.

New cons and frauds pop everyday and even with advocacy groups pushing for privacy legislation (itself a controversial subject), we can’t rely on the laws to stay ahead of the criminals. Each person needs to exercise their common sense, ingenuity, and self-restraint when dealing with con artists. They make big promises but in the end, they’re only looking out for themselves. Confidence crimes are aptly named. In the end, it’s your judgment and your trust in other human beings that is stolen. How much money is that worth?

Other Helpful Links:

Internet Fraud Watch
The Cagey Consumer