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Author	Topic: Quote-a-rama
Pattie Gillett True Believer	posted 07-12-2001 02:08 PM "You are not a performance criminal? - Mojo Jojo
Dave Thomer Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy	posted 09-17-2001 09:23 PM "As much as our humanity got us into this mess, it's our humanity that will get us out." Captain John Sheridan, Babylon 5 episode 'Severed Dreams,' written by J. Michael Straczynski "Of course it's not good, there is no good. It's what there is." Leo McGarry, The West Wing episode 'A Proportional Response', written by Aaron Sorkin [This message has been edited by Dave Thomer (edited 09-18-2001).]
Kevin Ott True Believer	posted 09-18-2001 04:20 PM "The 21st Century is a bad time to be a bastard, children." The Midnighter, from "The Authority" episode, "The Nativity," written by Mark Millar.
Dave Thomer Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy	posted 09-26-2001 02:01 PM quote: Originally posted by Dave Thomer: From The Red Star Issue 4: No war has ever ended that did not begin another. Just thought this bore repeating.
slgorman One of the Regulars	posted 09-27-2001 12:34 PM Courtesy of the late Archbishop Oscar Romero: "This is what we are about: We plant seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities. We cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity of God's grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders, ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own."
Pattie Gillett True Believer	posted 11-03-2001 06:05 PM Found this one on another message board - it makes no sense but it's cute: Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. It's all about the shoes.
slgorman One of the Regulars	posted 11-03-2001 06:26 PM quote: My plane was due to leave at eight o'clock, and I stayed until the last moment, figuring the time it would take to get to the airport. It was with reservation that I reported to the manager, telling her I had to leave. She was at a cash register, screaming at a customer. She was, in fact, calling this customer a bitch. I touched her arm and said, "I have to go now." She laid her hand on my shoulder, squeezed it gently, and continued her conversation, saying, "Don't tell the store president I called you a bitch. Tell him I called you a f***ing bitch, because that's exactly what you are. Now get out of my sight before I do something we both regret." David Sedaris in the SantaLand Diaries, a must read for the holidays. And Pattie, it really is all about the shoes.
Dave Thomer Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy	posted 11-15-2001 02:22 AM I'm feeling the love, how 'bout you? I would quote Leo's description of a Seawolf submarine from tonight's West Wing, but Pattie and I were laughing so loud after 'a Seawolf-class -- really big -- submarine' that the rest of the dialogue got drowned out.
Pattie Gillett True Believer	posted 12-07-2001 12:25 PM Watching the battles going on about the economic stimulus package, the "military tribunals" and whether having a major league baseball team in your city is a God-given right, made me think of this quote from Dave Barry: "The Legislative Branch shall consist of a Congress consisting of a Senate and a House of Representatives, which shall cancel each other out."
slgorman One of the Regulars	posted 01-14-2002 03:04 PM A friend of mine who lives in LA summed up his feelings like this, "I've traded intelligent conversation for perfect weather. There, you see my shallowness shining through."
Dave Thomer Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy	posted 01-14-2002 10:42 PM On the other hand, you can go to an outdoor Internet cafe and hang out at the Not News boards, in which case you get both. Hmm. I should throw a quote in here somewhere, shouldn't I? All right, let's go for the classic. "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Dave Thomer Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy	posted 02-18-2002 04:25 AM I know everyone must be sick to death of the Canadian ice-skating story, but David Pelletier is God's gift to sportswriters -- he's routinely had the best quotes in the whole thing. Two of my favorites: Right after the results, explaining that being robbed by the judges comes with the territory: 'If I didn't want this to happen to me, I would have gone down the hill on skis.' At the press conference after the IOC awarded the dual gold medal: 'I hope we get the bronze, too, so we can have the complete collection in our living room.' ESPN.com's Jim Caple has had some good lines throught the Games, as usual, but my favorite might be this one: "Curling is for people who think baseball and golf are a little too fast-paced." I gotta admit, curling's become one of my favorite events, but the man's right.
Pattie Gillett True Believer	posted 03-29-2002 09:17 AM Boy, do I have daily proof that this one is right on the mark: "The world is made for people who aren't blessed with self-awareness." - Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham
babydoc One of the Regulars	posted 04-02-2002 01:03 AM From Clerks Dante to Randall, after hearing that he wanted to attend a wake that would be attended by many members of their high school class: "But you hate people!" Randall to Dante: "But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?"
Dave Thomer Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy	posted 08-22-2002 10:23 PM This probably isn't how Marshall Crenshaw intended it, but I've been getting some mileage from "Someday, Someway" lately: I can't stand to hear you sad, I can't bear to see you cry, You can't tell me what you need, All I can do is wonder why. Now if you'll excuse me, this posting run is about to be interrupted by a four-month-old demanding my attention . . .
Andrew Wester One of the Regulars	posted 09-10-2002 11:03 PM From a Dilbrt Strip Generic Worker on the phone--Thank goodness I finally got through to tech support, I've been on hold for over an hour. Dogbert--Loser GW--Can I speak to your superior? DB--There is some religious debate on that subject.
Altwaalananda Saraswati Just Got Here	posted 09-15-2002 03:33 PM I may get canned for this, but what the heck: I don't care if it rains of freezes 'Long as I got my Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car. Through my trials and tribulations And my travels through the nations With my Plastic Jesus I'll go far. Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car I'm afraid He'll have to go. His magnets ruin my radio And if I have a wreck He'll leave a scar. Riding down a thoroughfare With His nose up in the air, A wreck may be ahead, but He don't mind. Trouble coming He don't see, He just keeps His eye on me And any other thing that lies behind. Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car ... Though the sunshine on His back Make Him peel, chip and crack, A little patching keeps Him up to par. When I'm in a traffic jam He don't care if I say "damn" I can let all my curses roll Plastic Jesus doesn't hear 'Cause he has a plastic ear The man who invented plastic saved my soul. Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car ... Once His robe was snowy white, Now it isn't quite so bright - Stained by the smoke of my cigar. If I weave around at night, And policemen think I'm tight, They never find my bottle - though they ask. Plastic Jesus shelters me, For His head comes off, you see He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask. Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car ... Ride with me and have a dram Of the blood of the Lamb - Plastic Jesus is a holy bar. [Plastic Jesus has become quite entrenched in the folk tradition, so there are considerably more folk verses than there were original ones. Following are folk additions and emendations, as well as additions from recording artists who have covered this song.] Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car I could go a hundred miles an hour Long as I got the Almighty Power Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice {Refrain - repeat between every verse} Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. I don't care if it rains or freezes As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus Glued to the dashboard of my car, You can buy Him phosphorescent Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant, Take Him with you when you're travelling far I don't care if it's dark or scary Long as I have magnetic Mary Ridin' on the dashboard of my car I feel I'm protected amply I've got the whole damn Holy Family Riding on the dashboard of my car You can buy a Sweet Madonna Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a Pedestal of abalone shell Goin' ninety, I'm not wary 'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell I don't care what they say, I'm gonna Keep on prayin' to that pink madonna Melted to the dashboard of my car. Goin' ninety, I'm not wary 'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell I don't care if it bumps or jostles Long as I got the Twelve Apostles Bolted to the dashboard of my car Don't I have a pious mess Such a crowd of holiness Strung across the dashboard of my car No, I don't care if it rains or freezes Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car But I think he'll have to go His magnet ruins my radio And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar Riding through the thoroughfare With his nose up in the air A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind Trouble coming, he don't see He just keeps his eyes on me And any other thing that lies behind {as refrain} Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Though the sun shines on his back Makes him peel, chip, and crack A little patching keeps him up to par When pedestrians try to cross I let them know who's boss I never blow my horn or give them warning I ride all over town Trying to run them down And it's seldom that they live to see the morning {as refrain} Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car His halo fits just right And I use it as a sight And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far When I'm in a traffic jam He don't care if I say Damn I can let all sorts of curses roll Plastic Jesus doesn't hear For he has a plastic ear The man who invented plastic saved my soul {as refrain} Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Once his robe was snowy white Now it isn't quite so bright Stained by the smoke of my cigar God made Christ a Holy Jew God made Him a Christian too Paradoxes populate my car Joseph beams with a feigned elan From the shaggy dash of my furlined van Famous cuckold in the master plan Naughty Mary, smug and smiling Jesus dainty and beguiling Knee-deep in the piling of my van His message clear by night or day My phosphorescent plastic Gay Simpering from the dashboard of my van When I'm goin' fornicatin I got my ceramic Satan Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home The women know I'm on the level Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home Leering from the dashboard of my van If I weave around at night And the police think I'm tight They'll never find my bottle, though they ask Plastic Jesus shelters me For His head comes off, you see He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask {as refrain} Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Ride with me and have a dram Of the blood of the Lamb Plastic Jesus is a holy bar I don't care if I'm broke or starvin' As long as I've got a fish named Darwin Glued to the trunklid of my car God, I'm feeling so evolved Drivin' with my problems solved Proclaiming what I think of what we are Riding home one foggy night, With my honey cuddled tight, I missed a curve and off the road we veered. My windshield got smashed-up good, And my darling graced the hood. Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared. {As refrain} Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus, No longer chides me with His holy grin. Doctors in the X-ray room Found Him in my darling's womb. Someday, He'll be born again! I don't care if it rains or freezes Long as I got my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car He's the dude with the rusty nails, Walks on water, don't need no sails Riding on the dashboard of me car I don't care if the night is scary As long as I got the Virgin Mary Sittin' on the dashboard of my car. She don't slip and she don't slide Cuz her ass is magnetized Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.
Amy Rizzo One of the Regulars	posted 09-15-2002 04:26 PM From my favorite book, ("The Sparrow" - by Mary Doria Russel) a non-essential character waits for something to load up on his computer and says, "'Oh sh, oh f*, oh dear!' cried the fairy princess as she waived her wooden leg in the air". It is never commented on or mentioned again. A little crass, but a very satisfying declaration when your computer is running too slowly.
Dave Thomer Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy	posted 09-16-2002 01:29 PM quote: Originally posted by Altwaalananda Saraswati: I may get canned for this, but what the heck: No canning yet, but I'd request that a) you attribute your post to whomever you're quoting, and b) perhaps shrink it down a bit. Welcome aboard.
Altwaalananda Saraswati Just Got Here	posted 09-16-2002 07:41 PM Ok, Next time i will cut it in half and leave a link for the rest. i got it on a website, that i can't find now.. but it had to do with The Jesus Dance.
Meg Hughes One of the Regulars	posted 09-20-2002 11:14 PM from Friends, the one where they are all in Vegas and Ross draws on Rachels face, and Chandler and Monica are at the craps table and Chandler is doing the whole "if you roll this, we'll do this" Monica: "It Just Got Interesting!"
slgorman One of the Regulars	posted 10-14-2002 05:41 PM This one is like third hand from my friend's friend Dave. Describing the testing methodology of a particularly bad instuctor-- "It's memorizing the phonebook - but not in order because that would mean there was logic and order to it - it's like randomizing the phonebook and then memorizing it." Stats/research geek that I am, that cracked me up.

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